Greetings.
I haven't gone completely away from the blogging, but my busy schedule has gotten even busier. So, I won't be able to update much for at least another week or so.
In the meantime, I bring the following improvisational group to your attention: The No Pants Players. This is West Virginia's Premier Improv Troupe. They are based in Charleston, WV, and perform monthly at South Charleston's LaBelle Theatre.
Rebecka and I went to see them Saturday night (18 July). They are simply hilarious!
21 July 2009
13 July 2009
Comments on "Song Time, Part Two"
"Chorus for a Country Song" was very random and involved Rebecka and me making fun of a country/gospel song we had heard on the radio. After many derivatives of random parts of the song, this came to mind.
This song is best understood if you sing it with a twang. "Sometimes" should be pronounced, "Sum-tahms," "washcloth" should be "warsh-clauth," and have a bit of a yodel at the end of each phrase.
This song is best understood if you sing it with a twang. "Sometimes" should be pronounced, "Sum-tahms," "washcloth" should be "warsh-clauth," and have a bit of a yodel at the end of each phrase.
Song Time, Part Two
Chorus for a Country Song
Sometimes I think I'm a washcloth,
Then I stop and look at the floor.
I go back to what I was doin',
And wonder what I did that for.
Sometimes I think I'm a washcloth,
Then I stop and look at the floor.
I go back to what I was doin',
And wonder what I did that for.
08 July 2009
Someone's Surprising Sarah
Setting: 7:00AM, Wednesday, 8 July 2009, Somewhere, USA
Seated in a chair, our secretary heroine stares contemplatively at a single book setting in the center of the otherwise empty desk. Sarah wonders where everything has gone: her computer, keyboard, notepads, phone, box of tissues. She hesitantly reaches to open the desk drawer to find nothing inside. Searching through drawer after drawer yields the same results.
Suddenly, the book opens of its own volition. Sarah jerked, causing her chair to roll back about a foot. She sat upright again, determined to figure out what was going on here. Scooting her desk chair forward, Sarah peered into the open book. She gasped at what she saw.
Standing in the center of the page, moving just enough to be noticed as something unusual, was a little figure. Sarah leaned in closer to see exactly what kind of thing it could have been. She saw what appeared to be a little man but with three sets of all appendages.
Shaking his fists violently at Sarah, the little man seemed to be shouting, though his voice was much to tiny for her to hear anything. Sarah leaned a little closer, causing the little man to step back and cringe into a shielded position. Slowly he raised up his head as he realized no danger befell him. Sarah began to speak, but his frantic fist shaking began again; this time, she was close enough to hear.
"Shhh--before you speak, listen to what I have to say!" the little man shouted as loudly as he could, although his voice barely reached Sarah's threshold of hearing at the tiny frequency the voice emitted. "Sarah, I have been sent here to bring you a message, and you must promise to listen." Shocked that he knew her name, Sarah's eyes grew wide and her breathing became shallow. She studied the little man's face a while before she realized he had paused, waiting to hear a response.
She stuttered out a quiet and meager "Sure." Sarah listened intently as the little man spoke slowly and clearly.
"Sarah, you may have wondered why your desk was empty, save for this book and, of course, me. Someone in management has sent me here in a very surreptitious manner to tell you this. Sarah, you're fired."
Sarah paused a moment, taking in the little man's words, making sure she got every little word. She jerked her head backwards as she realized finally exactly what he said. She just got fired! Sarah glared at the little man and quickly grabbed the front of the book. Slam went the book as the heavy cover met the rest of the open pages.
Slowly Sarah opened the book to the page where the little man had stood. She was not sure he was even real; but if he was, had she just killed him? Situated on the center of the page, just where he had been standing, was a light colored smudge. Sarah looked closer and saw that the smudge was actually paint, and written in the paint in tiny but discernible letters was the word "Surprise!"
Sarah stood up, confused. Streamers and confetti started streaming down from the ceiling. Salsa music started playing out of invisible speakers. Some of her coworkers started emerging from the walls as if they were at one point part of the drywall, but now back in human form. She looked at the desk again. Standing in the middle of the book where the paint had just been was the little man with three sets of all appendages smiling, waving, and shouting happily.
Somehow a cake rose out of the desk. Scribbled in sugary, blue icing was "Sarah, You're Fired!" Sarah was now very disoriented, feeling the room shift around her like water in a washing machine. She raised her hands to her face and would have screamed had her larynx not been frozen. She started to run away but, as if on a treadmill, she stayed in one place.
Suddenly the world stopped. Sarah found herself falling quickly until, finally, she sat up in bed. Sleeping beside her up until now, her husband woke up and asked if everything was okay.
"Sure, sure...just a bad dream," she murmured sleepily.
"Someone needs to stop eating pizza at bedtime," her husband warned warily.
Sarah nodded in silent agreement and began to lay her head back down to sleep, until she saw something that made her scream--out loud this time. Sitting across the room on her dresser was the little man with three sets of all appendages waving, smiling, and shouting happily: "Surprise!"
Seated in a chair, our secretary heroine stares contemplatively at a single book setting in the center of the otherwise empty desk. Sarah wonders where everything has gone: her computer, keyboard, notepads, phone, box of tissues. She hesitantly reaches to open the desk drawer to find nothing inside. Searching through drawer after drawer yields the same results.
Suddenly, the book opens of its own volition. Sarah jerked, causing her chair to roll back about a foot. She sat upright again, determined to figure out what was going on here. Scooting her desk chair forward, Sarah peered into the open book. She gasped at what she saw.
Standing in the center of the page, moving just enough to be noticed as something unusual, was a little figure. Sarah leaned in closer to see exactly what kind of thing it could have been. She saw what appeared to be a little man but with three sets of all appendages.
Shaking his fists violently at Sarah, the little man seemed to be shouting, though his voice was much to tiny for her to hear anything. Sarah leaned a little closer, causing the little man to step back and cringe into a shielded position. Slowly he raised up his head as he realized no danger befell him. Sarah began to speak, but his frantic fist shaking began again; this time, she was close enough to hear.
"Shhh--before you speak, listen to what I have to say!" the little man shouted as loudly as he could, although his voice barely reached Sarah's threshold of hearing at the tiny frequency the voice emitted. "Sarah, I have been sent here to bring you a message, and you must promise to listen." Shocked that he knew her name, Sarah's eyes grew wide and her breathing became shallow. She studied the little man's face a while before she realized he had paused, waiting to hear a response.
She stuttered out a quiet and meager "Sure." Sarah listened intently as the little man spoke slowly and clearly.
"Sarah, you may have wondered why your desk was empty, save for this book and, of course, me. Someone in management has sent me here in a very surreptitious manner to tell you this. Sarah, you're fired."
Sarah paused a moment, taking in the little man's words, making sure she got every little word. She jerked her head backwards as she realized finally exactly what he said. She just got fired! Sarah glared at the little man and quickly grabbed the front of the book. Slam went the book as the heavy cover met the rest of the open pages.
Slowly Sarah opened the book to the page where the little man had stood. She was not sure he was even real; but if he was, had she just killed him? Situated on the center of the page, just where he had been standing, was a light colored smudge. Sarah looked closer and saw that the smudge was actually paint, and written in the paint in tiny but discernible letters was the word "Surprise!"
Sarah stood up, confused. Streamers and confetti started streaming down from the ceiling. Salsa music started playing out of invisible speakers. Some of her coworkers started emerging from the walls as if they were at one point part of the drywall, but now back in human form. She looked at the desk again. Standing in the middle of the book where the paint had just been was the little man with three sets of all appendages smiling, waving, and shouting happily.
Somehow a cake rose out of the desk. Scribbled in sugary, blue icing was "Sarah, You're Fired!" Sarah was now very disoriented, feeling the room shift around her like water in a washing machine. She raised her hands to her face and would have screamed had her larynx not been frozen. She started to run away but, as if on a treadmill, she stayed in one place.
Suddenly the world stopped. Sarah found herself falling quickly until, finally, she sat up in bed. Sleeping beside her up until now, her husband woke up and asked if everything was okay.
"Sure, sure...just a bad dream," she murmured sleepily.
"Someone needs to stop eating pizza at bedtime," her husband warned warily.
Sarah nodded in silent agreement and began to lay her head back down to sleep, until she saw something that made her scream--out loud this time. Sitting across the room on her dresser was the little man with three sets of all appendages waving, smiling, and shouting happily: "Surprise!"
07 July 2009
(5) If I Were King of the Forest...
... my Chief Ambassador to the Kingdom of the Lake would be a squirrel, just because I'd like to see a squirrel swim.
06 July 2009
Fireworks Etiquette
Scores of people lined the riverbank as several different fireworks shows lit up the cloudy night sky, reflecting a distorted but beautiful light show in the river below. Bright, colorful bursts of sparks and fire arrived noiselessly until two seconds later when the sound finally caught up with the light that had already disappeared from view. Cheap snappers and sparklers popped and sizzled all around us, filling the pauses with peripheral sight and sound while the sky prepared for another rocket to pierce its blackness. One could be mesmerized in the awe of these moments.
That is could be mesmerized, if it weren't for several factors making the experience at times uncomfortable and generally annoying.
That is could be mesmerized, if it weren't for several factors making the experience at times uncomfortable and generally annoying.
- Huddled in a tight circle in the prime fireworks viewing spot, a group of about seventy teen girls (and I may be exaggerating: they could've been preteen) loudly, incessantly, and somehow simultaneously held conversations with themselves, punctuated by laughter that made even the exploding projectiles of fire form a finger and pair of lips to shush the girls, which made them laugh scornfully and even more loudly. Though their merriment may have held true with the spirit of the Independence Day festivities, I'm sure they were less concerned with patriotism and enjoying the fireworks than they were with, say, the Jonas Brothers or making fun of their parents.
- Small groups of people on either side of my wife and me kept inching closer and closer to us, not unlike those rusty, spike-laden walls that creep insistently and horrifyingly inward toward the hero of an action/adventure movie. Except, in our case, we were less likely to procure tetanus or unwillingly obtain body piercings and more likely to get lung cancer because...
- ...everyone in this area smokes! When I say "everyone," I do not actually mean to imply that absolutely everyone here smokes. I do mean to imply that the proportion of smokers to nonsmokers in any given outdoor event is about 25:1. The parents, their adult children, and some of their underage children huffed and puffed to their (and our) alveoli's discontent, being ever so careful to make sure they either stood upwind of us or turned their faces toward us when they exhaled.
- The fireworks themselves were impressively unimpressive. At a rate of about one firework every 30 seconds, the audience's very short attention spans caused them to wander off mentally and physically. (In particular were some people (possibly inebriated) getting a little too close to the dropoff point of the riverbank.) Whoever directed the fireworks did not use a lot of creativity, unfortunately. Some of the 'works themselves were beautiful and appropriately loud, but there was no theme. By the time the finale came (which I think was more about getting out of the park before the rains came than actually completing the show), my wife and I were walking back home.
Thus ends my curmudgeonly report on the fireworks.
05 July 2009
Sunday Night Service
I do not recall ever experiencing a church service quite like the one tonight. People came to the altar and prayed. Several different people sang. Many people testified.
This morning, our Sunday School class (for which I was pretty late) was talking about the need for prayer in a Christian's life. Someone mentioned about how groups of people from the Bible would pray together for God's healing or protection or deliverance from the enemy.
In the worship service, a little girl was baptized and a teen rededicated her life to God.
In the evening service the choir, instead of staying up in the choir seats like normal, all came down and prayed.
The preacher preached 2 Chronicles 7:14, urging people to keep themselves from pride, pray and seek God's face, and stop doing things contrary to God's will--stop sinning. He urged us to pray for our country and our leaders. Someone from the congregation stepped up and walked to the altar, urging everyone in the church to come up and do just that.
The evening service lasted 2-1/2 hours, a short time when you consider some other types of churches who may begin at 10:00AM and stay until 3:00PM; but for our church, it was a welcome change from the ordinary.
I believe God blessed our service because people obeyed the Spirit and prayed like they had not done before.
This morning, our Sunday School class (for which I was pretty late) was talking about the need for prayer in a Christian's life. Someone mentioned about how groups of people from the Bible would pray together for God's healing or protection or deliverance from the enemy.
In the worship service, a little girl was baptized and a teen rededicated her life to God.
In the evening service the choir, instead of staying up in the choir seats like normal, all came down and prayed.
The preacher preached 2 Chronicles 7:14, urging people to keep themselves from pride, pray and seek God's face, and stop doing things contrary to God's will--stop sinning. He urged us to pray for our country and our leaders. Someone from the congregation stepped up and walked to the altar, urging everyone in the church to come up and do just that.
The evening service lasted 2-1/2 hours, a short time when you consider some other types of churches who may begin at 10:00AM and stay until 3:00PM; but for our church, it was a welcome change from the ordinary.
I believe God blessed our service because people obeyed the Spirit and prayed like they had not done before.
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